it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
