I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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