He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
