worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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