I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's the barista slut.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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