Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
