I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
