I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
