I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
