dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
