could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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