he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
