I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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