pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
