I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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