So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
