"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
