somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
