My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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