oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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