I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
