is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
