He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
