I feel like abortions should bother me more
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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