you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
