You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
