Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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