I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
