Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
