Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
