so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
