i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
