I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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