we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
