Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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