ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
