just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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