we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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