i would punch a child for taco bell
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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