we're blogging at a bar
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
