i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
