I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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