Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
