this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
