for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
