Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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