fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
