Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
