With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
