oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
