I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
