So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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