I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
