I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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