i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
