I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just gargled with NyQuil
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
