i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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