do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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