saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
