I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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