We're like a lot better than the average bears
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
